The Facebook pregnancy announcement
Yesterday I came across this article, and it made me throw up a little in my mouth. If you don’t want to click over (and I completely understand if you don’t), it runs down 10 cute, clever and oh-so-wonderful ways to announce your pregnancy on Facebook.
Like stab me in the fucking heart with a spoon.
Not only is this practice already proliferated throughout the fertile, ignorant masses, but now we’re encouraging it? Giving fucking tips on how to do it best?
Barf.
Here’s the list:
1. “We’ve told our immediate family, and are so excited to tell you! We’re pregnant!”
I’d categorize this as the least obnoxious option given. But only marginally so, because it sucks simply by virtue of its very existence. It also loses points for its poor use of punctuation and the phrase “we’re pregnant”.
2. “….has a bun in the oven.”
Oh isn’t it adorable? I have a bun in my oven. Oh SQUEEEEE! A BUN! And guess which baby daddy put it there? That’s right my big strong monkey man and his virile penis–that’s who. A bun?! For real! Can you believe it?!
3. “I’m ecstatic! My parents are going to have their first grandchild, and my brothers are going to have their first niece or nephew.”
Oh my left eye is twitching–the first grandchild? Yah, for the infertile, that ship probably sailed a long time ago. What better reminder that your child is going to be relegated to fourth? Yah, because they give medals for fucking fourth place.
4. “Wondering what the future holds for the class of 2029……”
This is totally the status update of an attention seeking whore. “Oh, it’s kind of cryptic, and I think it means… wait, does that mean what I think it means? Oh please, please, please tell us Facebook poster! Whatever do you mean by these mysterious words??? Can it be??? You are just sooooo interesting by not telling us straight out.”
5. Wait to post until April 1, when everyone will think it’s an April’s fools prank.
I’m totally doing this.
Then when everyone congratulates me, I’ll be like, “fooled you! I’m not pregnant, I’m infertile!” Now quick, everyone look away in discomfort and pretend you don’t know me. It might be catching.
6. You holding your tummy, next to an oven
I think I’d spontaneously combust if I had to witness this. Like there would be pieces of me all over the room and it would be a bloody, gory mess. This is the day I’ll shoot up a post office, even though I don’t deliver mail.
7. You wearing a shirt that says “Baby” with an arrow pointing to your tummy
I have this Facebook “friend” that is constantly posting glamour shots of herself in various states of undress. She’s hot–I get it, but I’ve never seen someone quite so in love with themselves (people of Hollywood excluded). This is exactly how she would announce her pregnancy.
8. Your child holding a sign that says, “I’m going to be a big brother!”
Oh sure, rub it in that you already have one while I’m still batting zero.
9. Your dog next to a sign that says, “My days as the only baby in the household are numbered.”
Yah, this poor dog’s next trip is to the neighbourhood pound, because these are the people who are going to get rid it for being in the way of baby Sharpie and its every precious need.
10. Sonogram Photo / Photo of the Pregnancy Test
Oh for fuck’s sake, how are either of these acceptable?
Sonogram=a picture of your insides. Do you get that? You may as well film your next papsmere and email it to your boss so he can watch it sitting at home in his underwear while eating Cap’n Crunch straight from the box.
Pregnancy test=something you peed on. Do you get that? I mean… no, you PEED on it. End of. I don’t think this should need further explanation.
I have nothing else to say. Double barf.
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there is also the oh so clever facebook profile pic of a jar of prego. Oysh.
What? Really? People do that? I hate the term prego.
Ah definitely a classic.
Yes, yes, yes, my friend did the Prego jar a few months ago. Barf!
I should never have read these sitting here in my clinic. I’m now laughing outloud uncontrollably at the horribleness (a fb friend just did #10 yesterday–akward!!). The people around me are wondering what I’m dying over–I think we’re about to have an outloud read of your post. Thanks for the laughs on what may soon turn out to be a shitty morning.
AWESOME!! I can not believe anyone would even draft a list like this! I once had a boss who had a copy of one of his employee’s sonogram on his desk. When I asked him why he would have that on his desk, its not his wife? He just thought it was so great that she was close enough to give him a copy. Dear God!!!!
Thanks for the article- this is why I deleted my facebook account- people are insensitive and crude enough in real life, I dont need to deal with them in cyberspace
Thhis is so funny – and true!
I just love those people who change their profile pic to a sonogram so we see it everytime they post. Just to shove it in our faces that little bit more!
Haven’t had that one. I have had the 1/3 of my fb friends who change their profile pic to their babies face.
Had a rant on another discussion board about that one, its a kick in the guts when they PM me etc even when they’re on hide. Gotta rant anonymously to get it off my chest!
I will say one thing about the sonogram pic, though… I have one friend that has a sonogram pic as her profile, my best friend. Even when I was going through a miscarriage and slightly bitter about it, though, I know that she’s been trying for over 5 years, had half a dozen medicated cycles/IUIs/BFPs/miscarriages… She’s 100% over the moon about it (and being terribly conscientious around me), and if anyone deserves a pass on the sonogram pic, she does!
That being said, I was an obnoxious fertile with my first pregnancy… and after this experience, I know I’m going to tone things down a lot when (fingers crossed) I get my next sticky bean.
Ohhhh, snap! Your comments are hilarious. We need to come up with a top 10 ways to announce on facebook that you’re infertile. 1) picture of your saline sonogram results!; 2) “I have recurrent miscarriages, MTHFR!” …
3. Adorable photo of yourself which has been photoshopped to show the outlines of the children you’d have now if not for those miscarriages.
4. Post a link to this blog post. (Which is so fabulously written and totally makes my day)
Hold up your most recent BFN while downing a bottle of tequila. Then post underneath that saying, “I may suck at making babies but I am a pro at downing tequila!”
I’m totally doing this.
OMG!!! I’m dying at this one!! I just had my 6th miscarriage and would LOVE to show those assholes a visual like that! Ha!
We totally need our own list…
5) a picture of you wearing a shirt with the words “No Baby (stop asking)” and an arrow pointing down to your stomach.
love this!
Oh, I would so buy that t-shirt!
Brilliant!
OMG the MTHFR is killing me. Dying. My mom even giggled when I told her I had the motherfucking gene mutation.
LOL! That is totally me “I have recurrent miscarriages, MTHFR!” Love it!
Oh. My. God.
STABBITY.
If I were a hacker I’d take that whole site down. Burn, motherfuckers.
I don’t get it. So because you can’t get pregnant nobody can be happy about their own pregnancy? What’s the difference to saying: “I never went to university so nobody is allowed to post anything about higher education on FB”?
(No, I don’t have kids myself, but FB is about sharing stuff from your life. )
Obviously they’re allowed to post, and they do, ad nauseum. But we’re allowed to bitch about it because it tends to come across as really self-absorbed and when you’ve been trying for a baby for so long it feels like a knife in the gut.
I do totally understand this argument. Although I’m sure I’ve pissed some people off in here I’m glad I found this blog. If I ever get pregnant I’ll make sure not to post a photo of the pregnancy test on FB. Or a photo of a tummy next to an oven.
And some things shouldn’t be shared. Like things you pee on. Also, it’s possible to be happy about things (your job, your marriage, your kids) without advertising it to the world. In fact, I’d say it’s preferable. My husband didn’t post a facebook status update when he got a promotion at work: that would be shitty and braggy and gross. We don’t post status updates reveling in all the awesome sex we had the night before: also braggy and really, really, really gross. Assuming the horde of “friends” and near-strangers on facebook gives a flying crap about your family planning is the mark of a self-absorbed narcissist.
PS: I have many fertile friends who did not post one word about their pregnancies until after their kids were born and they uploaded some photos. Because they’re not attention whores.
The difference is huge. I was going to use the analogy of overweight people and someone posting about food constantly, but I don’t think even that would convey the degree of emotional involvement. Or maybe it would? Just cos I’m not overweight and eat whatever I want, I don’t have to worry my skinny little head about the people whose self esteem is rock bottom and desperately wants to halve their weight. Ha ha look at this slab of cream cake, in your face. And how about this hefty burger I’m going to eat, yum yum, watch.me.devour.
Or how about disability? This is not a new concept at all, (the infertility/disability interchangeability) but if you have a bunch of people on your friends list who are wheelchair dependent, would you constantly status update about climbing mountains/running marathons/*insert amazing physical feat*? If you do, is that not a tad insensitive? Or would you expect all your friends in wheelchairs to “just be glad that you can”?
If you don’t feel that way, fair enough. Not everyone thinks the same. Yet go to pretty much any discussion board for infertility, and I reckon you can find at least one post on this fb pregnancy announcement headfuck from the last few months. Its THAT common. But hey, we’re the minority, huh, with our oversensitivity?
It is interesting that you compare yourself with disabled people. Are you really disabled if you are unable to have children? (Am I potentially disabled when I have never tried?)
Anyway, if I understand you correctly, posts about being pregnant is a slap in the face to infertile women (but not pictures of children?), posts about mountain climbing is a slap in the face to people in wheelchairs, posts about food is a slap in the face to people with eating disorders, etc.
Aah, I dunno. I think oversharing is annoying anyway, but I have posted a picture of me hiking on FB. Did I then insult the guy I know who’s in a wheelchair? Am I an attention whore for posting that on FB? Or are you being just a tad too sensitive?
Infertility (within the timeframe of typical fertile years – not in children or older people, of course) is undoubtedly a disability. You lack the ability to do something that is considered something everyone can do.
It is also classified as a disease by the WHO as of 2009.
Love this post, it is hilarious! especially this one ‘Oh sure, rub it in that you already have one while I’m still batting zero.’
I can’t believe this list even exists on the internet, absolute madness.
Thanks for the chuckles
Quadruple barf. The other day a girl posted a photo of a cake that said in green icing “WE’RE PREGNANT.” Obviously it reminded me why I don’t get on facebook. I wanted to reach through the screen, grab the cake, and smear it all over their effing fertile faces.
Hahahaha!
And once again, you funny me.
All of these deserve a special place in the Hall of Crazy. Do people ever stop and consider what they are doing/saying?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMEN!!!! As if plain old announcements on FB aren’t bad enough. Let’s be witty about it! Meh.
Thanks for the comment!
So perfect. I’m dealing with a completely obnoxious “friend” right now — and she’s family so I don’t feel like I can delete her. But I’m pretty close.
Hide them instead–then you don’t feel quite so guilty. I had to hide one of best friends because I just couldn’t take it anymore. I do still feel a little guilty…
I always try to think, if the shoe was on the other foot, my fb friends would probably hide me. If they are really friends and find out that you hid them they will understand. I took a pause today from all things pregnant and wrote a post about it. http://traditionallynontraditional.blogspot.com/2011/02/pregnant-pause.html
HA! I love missohkay’s suggestion!!! Infertiles should start taking FB by storm!!! If fertiles can do it, so can infertiles!
AND this just highlights the main reason why I have never joined FB. Infertility was hard enough- why let obnoxious fertile people online make it any harder?
We went to a Valentine’s Day party last year where the couple in question had put a 6-week sonogram on their fridge.
After lots of poking and nudging from me, my husband asked them, “Are you pregnant?”
“OH!” cried the starry-eyed mother-to-be, “Oh yes, tee hee, I forgot all about that picture up there!”
Really, bitch? You forgot it? You have an immaculate, soulless, stuff-less house and NOTHING ELSE on your fridge, and that picture is smack in the middle of it, and you forgot it was there? Sure.
She’s a teacher, so she refuses to have a facebook. Doesn’t mean attention-seekers can’t seek attention. The process is very simple.
1. Drop cryptic (or not-so-cryptic) hint
2. Bask in attention as everyone asks you to explain
3. Pretend it was unintentional and you didn’t even mean to tell people yet
4. Earn my undying hatred
Haha, I love this. You are hilarious.
thank you for ripping each and every one of these to shreds… ugh.
Too funny! My coworkers are looking at me like I’m crazy for laughing out loud!!
And here I was just crying to my husband last week about all the pregnancy announcements on FB! I’m glad there are so many people who get how devastating pregnancy news as a FB status is!
One of my good friends put up her positive pregnancy test on her FB even though she knew about my struggles with another friends pregnancy. I got an email later where she said she hoped it didn’t upset me to find out that way instead of getting a heads up through her.
That’s just brutal–she hoped it didn’t upset you??
What I didn’t tell her was the hour I spent crying after I saw her post. Not sure what I was supposed to say. It was their first month trying, she just got off birth control, she has so many health issues I thought for sure it would take awhile for them to get pregnant. On the other hand we have no issues and no explanation for our 17 months of trying and not even a nibble. Of course I can’t share how I feel about it and now girls night out are all about her pregnancy but no one wants to hear about all my doctors visit or what is going on with me. They NEVER ask how I am doing or holding up. I guess that is why I turned to reading blogs and yours is a breath of fresh air to me. I don’t feel so alone all the time. Thank you.
That’s the crux of it right? No one in our real lives wants to hear about this all the time and so, ultimately, we are all alone. If we had any other illness, people would ask. And I’m so glad you can find someone to relate to here (and that I’m one of them!). This online community is amazing.
Not to sound like a pity party and I apologize if I do. But I am not sure what is worse that or the day another pregnant friend of ours shoved her phone in my face to show me the video of her sonogram so I could hear the heartbeat of her baby. We were having girls night at our house. I went upstairs and cried and not a one of them came up to check on me and later told me I was rude for doing that. Maybe I need new friends??
Oh that’s just awful… I feel sick for you just reading that. I’m so sorry you had to deal with such insensitive jerks.
Thanks and I appreciate you allowing me to vent!!
Well, it took 3 years, 2 IUI’s, and an IVF/ICSI cycle to conceive DD and I posted an ultrasound photo as an “announcement”. I figured it was a heck of a lot better than those “look at meeeee” status updates. I was pregnant and happy about it; there was a time that I thought that I never would be (pregnant, that is).
But I’ve been publicly accused of forgetting the pain of infertility (simply by becoming a mother and enjoying it) so maybe my story isn’t the best one to share.
I do agree, though, that there are plenty of insensitive, self-centered fertile people in this world. I hope that you and others get your sticky BFP’s very soon!
If I ever get pregnant and stay that way, I’m posting on FB and on our blog and I’m going to give a shout-out to the babies we lost. I think it’s a crock-of-shit that there are so many people who had miscarriages who never speak of them. If I can save someone else from having 500 bricks thrown at her head without seeing them coming, then I’ll do it. It would have been nice to know it was so common TO PEOPLE I KNOW, not just in books before it happened. And if I were FB friends with the ER doctor who told me “it won’t happen again” after the first one, I’d send him his own special, “fuck you” on his wall. xoxo
I love you.
Right on. If I ever get lucky I’m totally spilling the whole story so anyone out there like me knows that it’s not just sparkles and fairy dust over here and they’re not alone.
Of course at this rate I will probably decide to just come out with my infertility before ever getting pregnant…
I think I’ll go for a record and comment three times in one post. I prefer to know someone is pregnant than to find out they had a baby on FB. I think I’ve said it before, but the new baby photos are on a whole different level of sucker punch than the pregnancy announcement.
And for the love of God, can we start a campaign to urge women to please keep photos of their insides and photos of things they’ve peed on in hard-copy only. Show them to your mom, but not to your sixth cousin five times removed on Facebook.
First of all, I totally love #5, make it an April’s fool prank.. funny in a not so funny way.
I’m also thinking of all blogs with pregnancy tests (peed on) and pictures, what’s the different really between them and Facebook? Both are through Internet and Social Media and yeah, either you read it or ignore it. Don’t really get the harsh resentments here. But maybe that’s just me and because I moved away from Facebook more and more.
I think the difference (for me anyways) is these are blogs that are all about peeing on sticks, so it’s a part of the discussion.
In contrast, my father in law is on Facebook, and to me, that’s totally different.
Thank you Elphaba. I have to tell you I was having a pretty hectic day (did not manage to mark any books before 2:30) so just sitting down before looking at that pile I got out my blackberry and looked for your post just to have a good laugh. So thanks for making a difference in my day!
Regarding the facebook announcements, I have to tell you about my cousin’s wife who is now pregnant with number 4. She homeschools and has too much time on her hands. She tells us what she is having for lunch on facebook. That kind of thing. Not only did she post her pregnancy announcement after 2 weeks (way too early!) we get blow by blow symptoms, pics of her stomach (so gross) etc etc…
Okay, no one wants to hear about that, infertile or not!
This is exactly why I avoid FB at all costs.
(HILARIOUS! You’re awesome.)
Another brilliant post. I’ve taken to reading this blog every morning before I leave the house, so’s I have a consistent “thank god I know someone gets this” smile on my face (for a minute or two)
I would totally share this on fb if there was no chance of people accidentally finding my blog through here. As you know, I had a slight headfuck about someone (just one) living their pregnancy on fb a few weeks back. She is still posting pix. We definitely need a list of responses for the ‘other side’!
Seriously, I’m quite saddened to hear that people have deleted their fb accounts cos of this, I can kinda understand this. Even when I was utd I never would have announced it on fb, but I imagine I would share pics, with warning. Even before all this mc stuff happened, and I was one of those annoying over-the-moon preggywomen, I was aware of some people on friends list who wanted kids and couldn’t, for whatever reason. I’m gobsmacked that not many fertiles actually think like that though!
Anyway, thanks for this, and all the others. Genuine LOL’s, reading out to Mr Stinky, who I think just looks a bit taken-aback with all me “SEEEEE! Its NOT JUST ME!!!”
OMGawd yet again you’ve reduced me to a whimpering mess clutching my belly from laughing too much. You always manage to say what I want to, does that make sense? Love your style. x
Totally hilarious. and love the stupid costume… almost as bad as those who decide to show of the pregnant belly by painting in orange and drawing some squiggly lines on it and call it a costume.
I hate that.
You do know that now you can’t share your BFP with us? We will all have to wait until April 1st. What are you going to write about when you are pregnant next month but pretending not to be??
This post is great and the things I hear about Facebook sound ridiculous, but to be honest, this stuff doesn’t bother me at all. Maybe it’s because I look at other people’s insides and their pee IRL, but it doesn’t worry me to see a photo on FB. I don’t care how people announce their pregnancies, just so long as I know about it before coming across them IRL. I find it very difficult to look genuinely pleased when someone tells me in person. I do try, but it is a knife through the heart.
The common practice here is to wait to tell people until you are 2nd trimester, so you never see the pee sticks on FB anyway, but I have had USS shots emailed to me…which I just think is odd.
No matter how, when, where or WTF? way people announce their pregnancies, it will always be painful to those of us who remain fertility challenged. But when we finally get our dreams answered we should be allowed to celebrate our joy without feeling constrained to respectful silence.
I hope you haven’t been criticizing my punctuation all this time? I do know it is questionable! I don’t “write” I “speak” in my blog
Well said–as always.
And I would never criticize your punctuation!
I would much rather hear pregnancy announcements in an email or on FB, for sure. I had a really close friend (or so I thought) whom I thought wasn’t interested in having children announce her pregnancy to my face (knowing every detail about our struggle with fertility). I had to spend the rest of the day, evening and overnight with her and it was bloody fucking awful. It was all I could do not to break down in front of her and throw myself in front of bus! Not to mention I had to attend a girl’s night with her the same day and watch her announce to all of our friends! Yeah… send me a flippin’ email and give me a heads up!
UGH, I hate the bun in the oven and class of 2039. Ridic.
I never wanted to do a FB pregnancy announcement because I had been stabbed in the heart by so many of them in the past. But eventually my friends and family asked me to, saying it wasn’t public knowledge until I did. So, I finally did it around 17 weeks and I said this:
“Husband and I are excited to announce we are expecting! Baby is due May 25, 2011! We are so blessed and thankful! And very happy to be in the second trimester.”
I wanted to post about the years trying, the ectopic, the miscarriage, but I chickened out
I love this whole mess. The post, the comments, all of it. I love all the ideas of how to announce infertility. We may not have babies, but we have brains!
I just noticed this about the author of the orginal article:
‘Rachel L. Carpenter enjoys writing parenting and advice articles. She was a social worker in her pre-mommy life. She writes for various online publications and has authored suicide prevention booklets.’
I was completely shocked. I get that she was probably commissioned by an editor to write it, but still… My favourite part is ‘has authored suicide prevention booklets!’
Yikes… me thinks she might not be that good at her job…
I also enjoy the ‘pre-mommy’ life. Not ‘before she had children.’ No, lets make it super-cutsie! ‘Pre-mommy!’ Hey girls, we’re in our ‘pre-mommy’ lives right now.
That makes me want to barf too.
Thanks for the good laugh…I totally agree with you….especially on the April Fool’s joke. I might just do that…And of course taking pictures of the pee sticks…really? I don’t like seeing things I peed on let alone some one I know online on FB pee stick. EWWWW No thanks!
Have you ever wondered what we’ll do when we finally get pregnant? I think I might actually take out some billboards on all the local highways and announce it to the world…and oh yeah, I’ll post my pee stick on FB..then comment and say, I just made you stare at my dried pee…jokes on you!
There’s still time to changey our profile pic to your latest ultrasound. Look, Ma, 4 follicles < 5 on the right, and 1 follicle at 12.1 on the left. Or, a pic of you, posing with your new best friend and daily companion, Wandy.
My… sides…hurt. HA!! Fantastic post. Bookmarking this one (and very tempted to post on Facebook).
Totally with you on this one. For some reason, the sonogram one seems to be the popular choice among everyone I know. And with the technology getting even more advanced (3-D sonograms so I can get a very detailed looked at someone’s unborn child AND the umbilical cord), it’s enough to make me want to go on a Facebook fast.
Ugh. This is why I don’t do Facebook. Smugness and self-absorption by preggos annoyed me even back when I was fertile and pregnant myself. Gag.
How about: …”got drunk, used some recreational drugs and is now knocked up. Oops.”
First of all, what a fantastic post and blog! I’m glad to have found it (via stfu fertiles, btw). Once I eventually get pregnant, I will at some point post it on FB. However, I plan to add a note that says something to the effect of – “While we are ecstatic at our good fortune, out of respect for those that have struggled with infertility, we will not be sharing our pregnancy story on this site.”
Perhaps we’ll start a blog for those that want to follow our story…that way it is entirely by choice that they’d be subjected to pictures of my insides. =)
It doesnt get much better than this.
Great post!! Here from STFU. Are we allowed to post pictures of positive OPKs on FB? And can I please post hubby’s sperm count/motility?
Oh I want to link to this on my facebook page so badly, but no-one knows we’re trying (and good thing, too b/c its going on 2 years now). I’m just feeling extra bitter because I’ve had 3 of the 10 happen to me in the last month. grrrrrrrrrrrr >:C
Awesome, awesome post! Made me laugh – and I needed it today.
and what about all these young girls getting pregnant “by accident”…so now its “unplanned and I don’t know how I’ll afford it” blah…blah…blah..FUCK YOU!
I’ve never seen so many bitter women… makes me sick. Like your infertility is every fertile womans fault? Disgusting. I have several infertile friends and not a single one of them is as selfish and full of themselves as you people are. I will post my pregnancy all over fb and be very excited about it. If you don’t like it, hit the delete button. Ugh!
You are very naive if you believe none of your infertile friends feel this way. Some of your infertile friends may be right here commenting. I might be one of your infertile friends. I would never tell my fertile friends how I feel when they smear their pregnancies in my face as if it should be the biggest thing in my life too. To spare them, I come to the internet to vent anonymously while my fertile friends tell me how good I am at handling all their wonderful news considering my situation.
Instead of using this post as an opportunity to see how your infertile friends might really be feeling on the inside and to be a bit more sensitive, instead you have decided to smear it in their faces on Facebook even more as some kind of revenge for this post. I don’t find you any better than any of us.
- Also Disgusted
I agree with everything Fucking Infertile said. I also would like to add if you have never been through infertility you would NEVER understand how it feels.
Um, just to clarify: I’m not trying to be bitter here, but it is good to have a safe place to have a good laugh and “vent”. I’m not even sure why you are here reading about facebook and pregnancy announcements from infertiles – what did you expect?
Believe me I can’t wait for the day that I post my pregnancy on facebook and I’m genuinely happy for others that are pregnant. But please understand that all the detail becomes too much… it is especially hard when I am waiting for my turn.
My poor cousin’s wife is now on bedrest until the baby comes in September – so now I really feel bad about the comments I made before. I understand that there are many sides to a story and fertiles have their struggles too.
But you need to understand that we are struggling too. And we need a place to struggle and let it all hang out. So thank you Elphaba. We all need a laugh through this or otherwise we would all go insane.
Quick comment here. You came here, on your own, to read this specific blog. This is a blog by someone who is infertile – a struggle that you appear to have no personal experience with (your friends’ experiences are not YOUR own – and their experiences, no matter what you think, do not make you understand the situation). You made the choice to come to this blog – to read this entry – to be disgusted. Facebook is an open forum, and when you login each day to check for messages or because you’re bored (which is usually the case) and are bombarded with people’s pregnancy announcements, belly photos, and ultrasound pics – you don’t ask for that. You don’t ask for that – that day – to see those things. It catches the infertile off guard, it upsets her, and it can sometimes ruin her entire day. You may say that it goes without saying that you’re going to see those things on FB, but the point of this post is that FB is not the forum to share such personal, self-absorbed information. If you have 25 friends on FB – maybe it is the forum for you. But hundreds of friends? Do you think hundreds of people care about you being pregnant and every detail that surrounds your pregnant life? No – they do not. When you look at the odds of 1 in 10 couples struggling with infertility – that means you’re self-obsessed posts are statistically hurting 5-10 of your 100 “friends.” Think about that. It’s just not appropriate – and more importantly – it’s not necessary. Just like FB isn’t the appropriate place to announce every single cough, sneeze, and runny nose that you, your spouse, or your kids have. The people who care about you, your pregnancy, etc. should have been told personally by you via email, a phone call, or in person. Not on FB. If a person is finding out that you’re pregnant via your obnoxious FB post – I guarantee you that person who does not care about your pregnancy.
I am an infertile who has crossed over to the other side – and I did not post a single thing on FB about my pregnancy. In fact, I promptly deactivated my account because I saw someone’s pregnancy photos that I knew were going be upsetting to an old high school classmate who was in the process of losing her very wanted, long-awaited pregnancy. The infertile NEVER forgets how that feels – even once they’re pregnant. On a positive note, because of this deep compassion that we have for one another, we are very lucky that we’ll never act like you.
So I am kind of late to the party here, but I was feeling a little shitty tonight about my whole infertility mess and I was looking for a place that welcomed a little good-natured venting… It didn’t feel right to splatter that shit all over the sweet blogs of hope, so I was thrilled when I found your blog. Not only do you use the word “fuck” periodically, but you are also hilarious.
This post is great! I particularly like your response to #5. I honestly did not curse much before this baby journey started over two years ago, but now about once or more a month, I just have to say it: “what the fuck!?!” It is really the best way I can find to express my feelings on the topic. I have not told many people about my situation, that terrifies me, but I think I need some support from people who have experienced this, and so far I haven’t had that.
Obviously, congratulations on your pregnancy. I am not there yet, and tonight am feeling hopeless, so I may linger in some of your older posts, but one day I may catch up. Who knows. Anyways, I appreciate your honesty and your sense of humor.
You have to brave to do this in my eyes, kudos to you
as someone who has suffered infertility and has had multiple miscarriages I understand your post, but I don’t agree with it.
I’ve recently found out I’m pregnant. it was a shock. a huge shock. Especially when we’ve been told, “it won’t happen, ever.” I’m not in the place yet to announce it as, we’ve suffered the loss of pregnancy before, but when I feel it’s time, I will facebook announce. Not to make others feel bad, but to finally be able to join in with every single friend who has ever posted about their pregnancy, and I had to be upset to read.
Infertility is one of the most painful things I’ve ever had to deal with. I don’t see it as obnoxious to celebrate your joy as long as it’s done tastefully.
Last week I had a friend/acquaintance on Facebook announce the gender of their child as follows. I want to vomit on myself.
Her status:
“sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes you dont. Almond joys have nuts. Our baby won’t.”
Are you kidding me?!
Maybe it’s the meds and my crazy enlarged follicles that are making me extra sensitive and annoyed by this but I think it takes the cake as the all time terrible way to announce gender. And, my husband thought it was funny. Who am I married to!?
aw come on, that was actually funny
you all just sound irritable. well i guess misery loves company
While I am very sad for the painful journey you have been through, people have the right to be happy about what’s going on in their lives. It would be like saying no one should ever celebrate their grandmother’s birthday – and especially not post photos of the party on FB – because I lost my grandmother this year. While losing a grandmother does not compare to losing a child or not being able to have children, people have the right to be happy. Their posts about their baby is not a slap in the face to you. They should be allowed to feel joy at this time in their lives because who knows what will happen? They may eventually lose that child, so wouldn’t they then be filled with regret for never having been happy about it in the first place?
- From someone who has lost 2 babies in very different ways.