A still-bitter-infertile’s pregnancy meme
A few weeks ago, Mo did her little rant about how much she hates pregnancy memes–and it seemed plenty of people agreed with her.
In that spirit, here’s my version of the still-often-bitter pregnant infertile’s pregnancy meme (that’s a mouthful):
How far along? Almost 4.5 months (You know, because I like to count ahead as much as possible to fool myself into believing I’m absolutely going to make it to the end. I’m never just 17 weeks, I’m ‘almost’ 18 weeks if anyone asks.)
Weight gain/loss: I don’t know. I get on the scale on Mondays when I’m not totally constipated (cause poo adds weight), and I honestly can’t remember the number from the week before. Is that bad? Maybe I should be writing this shit down.
Maternity clothes? Uh yah, after I surreptitiously stepped into Motherhood Maternity a few weeks ago and waited for the sirens to go off declaring me unfit to enter. As I ducked in between the flower muumuus and tent-shirts, I was just waiting for the sales staff to come up to me and be like “Uh, honey, you’re not pregnant. Get out. This place is for the fertile.” PS–Everyone is pregnant when you go into a maternity store–even the people that work there (do they only sign nine month contracts?). You’ve been warned.
Stretch marks? No, but I’ll get them. That much I’m sure of. Lotion doesn’t help people. You can slather it on all you want, but there is no fighting mother nature. And my ass already looks like shattered glass from when I had a growth spurt at 14. Stretch marks? I’m pregnant, bring ‘em on.
Sleep? I’ve always been a good sleeper. If there was an Olympic medal for sleeping, I’d get it.
Best moment this week? Every moment is pretty good right now thanks.
Food cravings: Sure, but can I really blame that all on pregnancy? Maybe the orange juice one but probably not the chocolate one.
Gender: Well it’s gotta be one or the other doesn’t it? Once you find out, is this question really still relevant? Do a person’s thoughts on this really change from week to week? Am I not giving this enough attention?
Belly button in or out? My belly button is going to pop out??!! Holy shit.
Movement? Yes. I think so. But it might just be gas, indigestion or my wild fantastical imagination. I pretty sure I saw a unicorn in my backyard too the other day.
What I miss? The overwhelming, gut wrenching feeling that I’m never going to be mother. Oh wait, I don’t miss that. But sometimes, I still feel that.
What I’m looking forward to: Being a mother. That’s what all this was for right?
Milestones: I’m not answering this. Every day. Every moment. Every symptom. Everything is a milestone.
And of course, my ‘almost’ four and a half month belly. (I’m not sure why I look so pissed off… and it kind of looks like I’m giving you the finger.)
My favorite part of this whole thing? That you’re actually freaked out by your potential outie. Love it!
Brava!
You look GREAT!!!
Aw, thanks!
That is so funny! I love pregnant IF memes! And you look great, honey…I hardly notice the middle finger, lol.
I’m pleased everything is going so well for you hon! Almost half way already!! It never eases to amaze me how quickly other people’s pregnancies go. Did you make a decision about posting on facebook? Personally, I would just wait until the baby announcement, but then, that’s kind of the norm here anyway.
I think Bora Bora is getting shelved. The Aussie job is still chasing me and I am tempted to succumb. I also realised that the price of 5 days in an overwater bungalow could equally finance a round-the-world adventure (with or without turkey baster)…hmmmm, why am I not obscenely rich? Then I could do both.
Responded to you on your blog and so far, I continue to remain quiet on Facebook. I still have to post something about that actually.
The bellybutton thing totally freaks me out!!!
Bwahahaha. You crack me up!
You don’t look pissed, you look amazing! And flipping people off is a sign of affection… in some culture, somewhere in this world… I’m just sure of it….
Holy shit, you’re not white like me?!?! (Works every time.) Thank you for posting this. Now, please, post one every single week for the rest of your pregnancy. It will be thrilling AND entertaining, I swear.
See, if I didn’t post belly pics then you wouldn’t know I wasn’t white.
i have to admit, i hate these surveys, too. the worst question? “What I miss:” ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? you (the people who answer this question) struggled with INFERTILITY. you said you would give up ANYTHING to be pregnant. and now you MISS something!?!?!?!?!
My thoughts exactly!
Ha! Funny response to this. I only like those surveys when they’re done in snark mode.
Your blog may be the best thing the internet has ever done for me. I’ve only read some of the after-BFP posts and first, let me say, a Big Fat Congratulations! I look forward to reading the ones more up my current alley of being infertile, a condition that yes will most likely change in the next couple of months due to my 3rd surgery in a year, but keeping faith and having hope are two things I struggle with not even just daily, but sometimes by the hour. After over two years of trying and flirting with various diagnoses, we may finally have a winner and though it’s eradication is on the horizon, sometimes I just don’t have the extra strength to smile genuinely at my friends who are pregnant with their 2nd or 3rd child in the span of time it has taken me to have zero. So, thank you, so much, for sharing your journey!
This post was hilarious. I agree on the “what do you miss” thing. I have never been pregnant, but of course have heard about the belly button popping out thing. I just wonder how it doesn’t just rip open, but I have never heard of that happening. I guess God planned that part out. Which is awesome. I don’t think you look mad in your picture. It looks like you’re focusing on getting a good picture. This is a really random question – what kind of pants are you wearing? It seems like everyone has some and they look so comfortable. I think I need some…are they capri yoga pants or something like that?
They’re just plain old black leggings actually. And yes, they are very comfortable–I spend my life in leggings!
Thank you so much for making me laugh. That was fantastic!
And congratulations!
Elphaba, looking fab! I love your blog, so happy to have found it. By the way, the belly button pop out thing freaked me out too…Mine just popped out a little though
Ha! I almost skipped over this post, because I hate them as well. But I’m glad I didn’t. Funny stuff! And if you ever catch me doing a “meme” (is that what they’re called???) please shoot me.